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Bad Apple!! My take on the English translation

originally created October 12, 2024 ✦ republished February 7, 2025

(Originally posted on Tumblr, Bluesky, Instagram. This retroactive post is adapted from the Tumblr post.)

Link to the lyrics PDF, link to the lyrics video.

This is a different kind of post from what I usually make on social media platforms (it doesn't have a drawing in it), and also a really risky one (it has a content warning and cites sources). All details are in the PDF linked above.

I spent WAYYY too much energy on this thing, man oh man.... Bad Apple is a fan project famous for being fan projects all the way down—the English translation by Pat McCarthy, animation by Anira, storyboard by Mμ, and music by Alstroemeria Records were all made by separate fans throughout the years. I figured I'd try my hand at also adding to that humongous stack, in my own tiny way, on impulse, 14 years later, in my bedroom. (This is so vain of me, fml 😅)

I'm interested in seeing if someone could sing this. The modified lyrics might be kludgy in places, but I made it so that every English syllable corresponds to every syllable in the original Japanese, just like the original McCarthy translation does. And "realize" counts as two syllables.

The Revised Lyrics:

(Copy-pasted here for searchability, original Pat McCarthy + Cristina Vee lyrics are in the PDF linked above.)

Ever on and on, I continue circling
With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony
Until it makes my heart disappear where I can’t see
And I realize too late that I can’t break free, I’m

Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity
With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony
To tell me who I am, who I was, the
World around me turns into a haze till there’s only me

And maybe it’s a dream, maybe nothing else is real
But it wouldn’t mean a thing if I told you how I feel
I’m so sick of being sad, all this pain that I can’t stand
So I pray to never feel anything ever again

You could tell me what to say, you could tell me where to go
But I wouldn’t give a damn, and my heart would never know
If I were to make a move, there’d be no more turning back
Because everything would change, and it all would fade to black

Should tomorrow even come? Will I make it through the night?
Does a tarnished soul like me have a place under the light?
Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay or should I go?
I’ve forgotten how to tell, did I ever even know?

I can’t take another step, I’ve done everything I can
All these people that I see, I will never understand
I don’t think that I could change, but if I could be all right
Would it never be the same, would I really fade to white?

[repeat of first 4 verses]

Am I not a waste of time? Should I end it all tonight?
Would a tarnished soul like me disappear under the light?
So you still don’t understand that I’m just a heartless freak
I’ll explain it once again: I’m a “Bad Apple”, you see

Am I just a waste of space? Am I just a waste of time?
I demand an answer now, and you’d better get it right
Even though I cannot change, let’s pretend that I’ll be fine
Would I never be the same, will I really fade to white?

Maybe this is all a dream, maybe nothing’s ever real
But it wouldn’t mean a thing if I told you how I feel
I’m so sick of being sad, all this pain that I can’t stand
So I pray to never feel anything ever again

[repeat of verse 4]

If I make a single move, if I make a single move,
Everything will come to naught, everything will come to naught
If I weep for my regrets, if I weep into the night,
Can there really be a way for my heart return to white?

I’ve forgotten how to think, who are you and who am I?
I remember how to see, but I’m scared to even try
If I opened up my eyes, there’d be no more going back
‘Cause I’d throw it all away, and it all would fade to black

About this post

Originally created: October 12, 2024 11:09:00 PM EDT
Republished: February 7, 2025 10:55:07 PM EST
Last edited: February 7, 2025 10:55:07 PM EST
Categories: Art, Fanart, Lyrics, Touhou, Writing