"i spent an hour drawing lines..."

originally created June 22, 2023 ✦ republished February 8, 2025

(Originally posted on Instagram. This retroactive post is copied from the Instagram post.)

I felt sad drawing this for some reason.

Nothing for the description is really coming to my mind atm, so I'll try to write something.

Where I am, it's been overcast with heavy rain all week, and that's supposed to continue into the weekend. As I was sitting in the afternoon, I noticed I was about to slip back into the slump of feeling unmotivated and watching too many YouTube videos. I figured I'd counteract that by changing up my sitting spot, and doing something I haven't done in a very long time.

It didn't take long to make this, though it did feel tedious drawing the rain. It felt like I was just drawing lines, and like I was using the "Perspective" tool superfluously, as if I was trying to find some external, artificial way of shaking myself awake. How did such a drastic change in my mood happen, when I was feeling so energetic earlier that I was running around the house???

Even simply biking outside yesterday ended up hurting, which is new. Trying to brainstorm ideas and draw stuff felt forced, like what I was trying to write down wasn't genuine or didn't feel like it mattered. That's a scary feeling. Am I only looking at the negatives?

All I know for sure is that now I feel that it's not helpful to panic about "oh where's my summer vacation going". What will be will be, and the past week-and-a-half has felt decently long anyhow. I just wish I could throw this sluggishness and these feelings like they're a weight off my chest.

Yay fancy words, talking about myself, my brain is running out of word-creativity-juice so buh-bye 👋🏼👋🏼👋🏼