"i feel sluggish @ 30% humidity"

originally created January 28, 2023 ✦ republished February 8, 2025

(Originally posted on Instagram. This retroactive post is adapted from the Instagram post.)

Hey, I can use the Enter key in Safari again! [anachronistic addendum: for some reason, Instagram started having a problem where you can't enter line breaks when typing out a post description in the Safari browser. It may have this problem even now.]

This is a hand-goes-where-it-goes type piece, because I feel like I haven't been doing many of these, and just stifling myself with only fanarts.

Earlier I did my first day of driving practice with Dad and my learner's permit. I just spontaneously started crying for 30 minutes straight when we got back home. That was a harrowing experience, and I'm thankful to God that I'm alive.

Rn, my mind feels sluggish, like something sticky; and lately, it's been feeling like I'm just drifting, it's hard to pay attention to things and it feels like I've just been bitter and moody. (Having trouble writing this rn, in fact 😞) It's been improving...at least in terms of my struggle to get adequate sleep. I've noticed my dreams have felt unusually vivid lately, and memories of childhood have been cropping up from time to time, though less than they used to.

My hair is all dry.

Winter is just a shitty season, is what I'm thinking it is. I hardly have the headspace to think through whether that even makes sense, or what patterns I can find from day-to-day, or what could be causing this sluggishness or what I should do about it. Has it been happening for a while? Idk...

Convenient how I've done nothing all week, and it's already the weekend before school starts 😡 But it's not like this happens every break; and besides, I'm actually looking forward to my 2nd semester classes because they seem less shitty! I'm not sure whether Quarter 1 is the sucky one for me, or the quarter with English in it; I wouldn't know, because I've always had English in Quarter 1 every year of high school.

In any case, let's focus on the positives. After all, every positive thing is a push in the right direction, no matter how much time it takes, right? Sometimes I wonder whether I'm becoming more emotional and childish in thinking, or if I was just bottling things up too much before. But however things are right now, is how they are, and there's nothing wrong with that fact.

Stardew Valley is a good game, you should play it! 🎮🎮🎮🎮🎮🎮🎮🎮🎮🎮 [another anachronistic addendum: I dropped the game soon after starting it, and never picked it up ever again. I'm more careful about what games I pick up nowadays.]