"something something blah blah blah"

originally created February 15, 2023 ✦ republished February 8, 2025

(Originally posted on Instagram. This retroactive post is adapted from the Instagram post.)

Here's something I made in Art Club this morning!

Man, I'm so exhausted......my head feels hot, it's hard to stay on a train of thought, it felt like I was hyperfocusing on the TV, and everything feels weird. But I think I'm used to that by now.

Fortunately, though I'm still tired, lately I've put a lot less pressure on myself. 10th and 11th grade was an experience in encountering stress, and slowly breaking down this sense of perfectionism and over-forcefulness that I didn't realize was harming me, and causing overthinking and angry feelings. Hindsight is 20/20, of course, and I feel satisfied with the extent and depth of this hindsight.

As for this little art piece, it's something I quickly scribbled in the 30 minutes I had in Art Club. It's a juxtaposition of the strong rushing thoughts and heat in my head, against the soreness and achiness of my body, along with the coolness and calmness of my surroundings. Mostly, it's just another hand-goes-where-the-hand-goes scribble—and I used some Krita warping as well, for the outline of the person!

In the past, I made declarations of grand projects that I wanted to complete, and that have effectively been lying abandoned. For two years, I made intense, unrealistic efforts to cling to these things, carrying the idea that I had to commit, otherwise I must be depressed or demotivated or some sort of condition that I've got to react to no matter what. But now, though I am returning more to these things I enjoy that I was neglecting when the days were short, I'm not going to put any pressure on myself to get back to them immediately or else. Living well does not mean you have to have some response to everything that happens to you, or to force your thoughts, emotions, and daily routines into some specific state. Living well means being okay with whatever state you're in; that's something I've heard and told myself over and over, and that I'm understanding now after some time and experience. At least, that's what that means to me.

Alright, I needa take a bath my skin is so grimy 🛁🛁🛁