"the sort of do-nothing day I kind of can't stand..."

originally created January 8, 2023 ✦ republished February 9, 2025

(Originally posted on Instagram. This retroactive post is adapted from the Instagram post.)

Feeling sluggish today. Maybe it's the cold, or the cloudy weather? Maybe it's because I'm coming down from school stress?

I've noticed some gassiness, and I think it's causing this tingling feeling in my back. I sometimes notice neck and eye aches, and my mind feels kind of hazy like it's hard to come up with new ideas. That's what's portrayed in this piece, which I drew with the same method of letting my hand guide the way and creating the details mostly spontaneously.

It's atrociously quiet in the house, again. Perhaps it's a matter of the season, or because we haven't been going out much and need some change. It's also really dark; that I can explain, because it's been cloudy and rainy very often in the past week. Definitely the season.

Whatever the case is, I've noticed some demotivation and boredom, like I've been so bored that I've just been awkwardly wandering around the house sometimes and wondering why I feel awkward, or doing something as mundane as scratching my hair and noticing the little sensations of doing the scratching. I've kind of run into a rut with getting software for my iMac, which is kind of a bummer.

But those are all just things that are happening. It might give a reasonable explanation for why I'm experiencing these feelings, but what I should focus on is addressing these things, and that means approaching it by practicing mindfulness with meditations, drawing (like I just did with this), exercising, napping if I need to, and approaching people to do stuff with.

On a positive note, I've been able to remember some of those quotes and spiritual lessons. The translation of the Bhagvad Gita that I have has a really powerful quote in the introduction that I want to keep as my ideal: the difference between being "a force of nature" and "a selfish little clod of ailments wondering why the world isn't devoting itself to making you happy." I want to do the right thing; but even if I'm feeling sluggish and confused rn, having this aim clear in my mind and making even small efforts is enough to set things in a positive direction.

Anyways, I'm thirsty.