"my mind will go two directions at once if it wants to"

originally created May 20, 2023 ✦ republished February 8, 2025

(Originally posted on Instagram. This retroactive post is adapted from the Instagram post.)

FINALLY something that’s NOT a fanart!!!!!!! I think what I like about feelings-drawings is that they’re quick-and-easy to make, but still valuable; I can just make a nice mess and it’ll still have meaning, because there’s no such thing as something meaningless in this realm.

It feels like it’s really hard to focus my mind right now—it’s in that state where I easily forget something I thought about just a handful of seconds before, and every thought that crosses it seems so important as to strongly distract or confuse me, and muddle up my thought process—so hopefully whatever I’m writing here coheres at least somewhat.

I’m totally going off-track now, so let’s talk about the art!!!!! I wonder if perhaps the reason my thoughts and emotions feel so strange, and it feels hard to thoroughly consider things, is because I’m so worn out from being preoccupied with schoolwork and traveling and trying to do stuff. I’m finally getting back to things I know I at least used to love, like art/design stuff, but my feelings about these things feel muted and muddled-up. That’s why there’s a dark cloud with a bit of light in the center. Why’s it pink? Because I felt like it.

At the same time, a symptom of this worn-outedness that I recognize is a feeling like everything around me looks brighter than it actually is, and my emotions feel stronger, like I’m sensitive to them. That’s the almost-neon green-and-blue colors swirling around the center—hopefully they come across as obnoxious and gaudy.

The rough sketch of my head and body going in different directions is another detail I just felt like putting in.

I could say a lot more, but I can’t write that much rn, so I’ll conclude with: so that’s that!